Wednesday, May 20, 2009

"First we make choices. Then our choices make us."

Day 39.

I was not online yesterday. Absent for a minute. My Baby Great Dane needed me. The surgery was really hard on her. She cried as we tried to get in her the car. She fell to the ground. We had someone from Bishop Ranch Vet come out to assist us. It absolutely broke my heart.

She did not move all night. She panted off and on. That scared me. I got up a few times during the night to go downstairs to check on her. It was a restless night. I am hoping for a better night.

I woke up not feeling so hot. I woke up feeling so awful for the Baby Great Dane, Reagan. She finally drank some water, out of a syringe-type gadget that I fed to her. That's my biggest concern - dehydration. I left work early today to come home and be with her. I needed to be near her. She had an accident all over the carpet. I did not get mad. She cannot help it. I fed her from my hands tonight. She does not want to get up and eat out of a dish. I'll do anything to keep her eating. Ryan and I rubbed her ears tonight, just as we always do - she loved that! We both agree that seeing her in pain is "heart-wrenching."

Yesterday was a terrible stomach day for me. I had so much twisting and turning. It was uncomfortable and not fun at all. My mouth started to get more annoyed, too.

Today has been another awful day for my mouth. I am absolutely so stressed out today, though. My stomach got increasingly bad as the day went on as well. A lot of twisting and turning. Eventually, I did get sick. My teeth even hurt today. Today my mouth pain was an 8/9. It's just miserable.

Leah told me, "More than 90% of our neurotransmitters are produced in our gut! There is a REAL connection between our moods and emotions and our digestive health." I am really started to believe the STRESS factor on my system.

Mexico - stress free. Monday - the stress starts all over again. I don't think all of this is purely coincidental. But what I really need to focus on now, along with my diet still of course (!), is how to MANAGE my stress. My stress, currently, has the best of me. And that's not fair.

Leah gave me a list of 12 ideas on how to manage my stress. Every other one of them was to breathe. Just as simple as breathing. I catch myself forgetting to do this all too often. I'm trying to be more aware of it now that she emphasizes it so much.

I'm taking care of myself so well with my diet, but I have completely forgotten how to take care of myself in other ways. I figured out some of this while I was in Mexico, but I absolutely need to think about this more. I need to figure out "what's eating me," since clearly it's not my food anymore! What is it that's killing me on the inside with this stress day in and day out? I've said it before and I'll say it again (and I'm sure this will not be the last time I ever say it)..."I need to fire those things from my life." And really, I need to do it sooner than later because HEALTH IS NUMBER 1! I can't afford to feel awful day in and day out, when I am working so hard to avoid that by avoiding the foods that don't like me.

Anne Frank wrote,
"Our very lives are fashioned by choice.
First we make choices.
Then our choices make us."

I think I will start here, by reflecting on this quote. Think about it....really think about it. I'll take this quote tonight and write down everything that comes to my mind. I'll report back:)

Here was my day:

  • Nutribiotic Vanilla Rice Protein Powder with Coconut Milk Light and Unsweetened Rice Milk, Flax, Banana and Stevia
  • 2* Sweet Apple Links
  • Olive Oil + ACV + Sea Salt
  • Spring Mix
  • Apple
  • Dried Bananas
  • Mango
  • Organic Spring Mix
  • Fish Oil + Spirulina + Sea Salt
  • Grilled Chicken
  • Mango
  • Bedtime Tea
  • Unsweetened Applesauce
I am hoping for a better day tomorrow. Better days are right around the corner, I'm sure of it.

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