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Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Anxious

Day 52.

First off, as promised, here is "my" new blog I have embarked on with Wayne Coy. If you have a minute, definitely check him out at this LINK!

I'm feeling anxious today. I've felt this way all week. Not unhappy. Not stressed. Just anxious. So many things are happening - good things. I find myself waking up at night - excited. I find myself wanting to stay up later at night - again, because I'm excited.

I haven't pinpointed the exact reason for all of this. I believe it's a combination of many things. The base of it all is a hope that I feel. And a new kind of motivation. I am 26. I feel so fortunate that I know what I want from my life. I know exactly where I am now and exactly (and probably more importantly) where I want to be. Perhaps this new excitement is because I've figured out the bridge to get me from here to there. And "this bridge," like my "food bridge" will not be easy to cross. I know it. But it, like my "food bridge," is 100% attainable for me. I knew when I began my journey with food that if I could stick with it and learn in while loving it, that I could do anything!

And here we are today - Day 52 - and I'm still going strong. Sure, I have bad days and I have good days. BUT, I have many more good days than bad days now! And I'm hopeful that someday my bad days will be nothing more than "once a problem for me."

I am not ready to share with everyone what these new excitements are or what the "it" is (and Mother, if you are reading this, "it" is not a baby - I'm not pregnant!). I will tell eventually. But we all have this "it." Everyone has an excitement somewhere deep within. It's searching and sorting and reading and learning that will bring it to the surface - ready to explode - with passion. I guarantee that when you find it the feeling will be like nothing you've ever felt in your whole life. It will come to you by chance, perhaps via a mentor or a single line you read or an undiscovered talent you walk into. Nonetheless, you have "it," too....the only questions that remain are, "Have you found it yet? What have you done with it?"

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I was fine today until lunch, again! After lunch my stomach was bloated and rumbling. I didn't like the way my stomach felt for most of the day today. I am so confused by this 1pm stomach slump that seems to happen every day? Somedays it's only for an hour or two and very subdued. Other days it just lingers. My mouth was great in the morning, but later in the day became about a 5/6. That was frustrating as well. On the positive side, I had a lot of great, positive energy today!

Here was my day:

Breakfast

  • Nutribiotic Vanilla Rice Protein Powder with Unsweetened Rice Milk, Coconut Milk Light, Flax, Banana and Stevia
  • 3/4 Fruit Fusion Bar (Dried Apple and Cranberry)
  • Unsweetened Applesauce
  • Small coffee + Stevia + Coconut Milk Light
Snack
  • Organic Apple
  • Sweet Apple Chicken Link
Lunch
  • Lean Turkey
  • Spring Mix + Olive Oil + Sea Salt
  • New Scallop Pasta
  • Spinach, Cucumber, Garlic & Mexican Gray Squash (all steamed)
  • Organic Apple
Pre-Workout Snack
  • Orange
  • Grilled Chicken with Garlic-Flavored Olive Oil
Dinner
  • Spring Mix
  • 1 Organic Raw Carrot
  • Fish Oil + Spirulina + Sea Salt
  • New Pasta Mix
  • Wild Salmon Burger
  • Orange

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